You have been texting someone new. You talk every day. You laugh at their jokes. You stay up late chatting. But you are not officially dating yet.
This confusing time is called the “talking stage.” And if you are wondering how long do talking stages last before dating, you are not alone. This is one of the biggest questions people ask about modern relationships.
The talking stage can feel exciting and frustrating at the same time. You like each other, but nobody has said “let’s be official” yet. You are more than friends but not quite boyfriend and girlfriend. It is like being stuck in relationship limbo.
So how long should this stage actually last? When do you know it is time to move forward? And how do you avoid wasting time on someone who is not serious?
This guide will answer all these questions. We will look at what experts say, what real people experience, and how to know if your talking stage is healthy or heading nowhere.
According to a 2023 survey by dating app Hinge, 81% of users have experienced a talking stage that lasted too long. The average person spends 3 to 6 weeks in this phase before making things official or moving on.
Let us break down everything you need to know about talking stages and when they should turn into real relationships.
What Exactly Is the Talking Stage?
Before we talk about how long it lasts, let us make sure we understand what the talking stage actually is.
The talking stage is the period between meeting someone and officially dating them. You are getting to know each other. You are flirting. You might be going on casual dates or hanging out. But you have not had the “what are we?” conversation yet.
Think of it like this. You are testing the waters before jumping into the pool. You are figuring out if this person is worth your time and emotions.
What Happens During the Talking Stage?
During this time, you and the other person are doing several things:
- Getting to know each other: You learn about their family, their job, their hobbies, their past relationships, and what they want in life.
- Building attraction: You flirt through texts. You compliment each other. You create inside jokes. The chemistry grows.
- Testing compatibility: You see if your values match. You notice how they treat other people. You check if they respect your boundaries.
- Spending time together: This might be going out for coffee, watching movies, or just talking for hours on the phone.
The talking stage is important. It helps you decide if you want something serious with this person. But it should not last forever.
How Long Do Talking Stages Last Before Dating?
Now for the main question. How long is normal?
The truth is, there is no perfect answer that works for everyone. Different situations have different timelines. But we can give you general guidelines based on research and real experiences.
The Average Timeline: 2 to 8 Weeks
Most healthy talking stages last between 2 to 8 weeks. This is about one to two months.
A study by relationship researcher Dr. Helen Fisher found that it takes about 12 dates or 6 to 8 weeks for people to decide if they want a serious relationship with someone. This matches what most dating experts recommend.
Here is why this timeline makes sense:
- Two weeks is usually too short: You barely know the person. You are still seeing their “best behavior” version. You have not seen how they handle stress or conflict yet.
- Eight weeks is usually long enough: By two months, you should know if there is real potential. If someone still cannot commit after two months of regular talking and dating, they probably are not that interested.
- Anything beyond 3 months is a red flag: If you have been in the talking stage for three or four months with no progress, something is wrong. Either they are not serious, they are seeing other people, or they have commitment issues.
How Long Should the Talking Stage Last in High School?
High school relationships move a bit differently. Everything feels more intense when you are younger. You see each other at school every day. Your friend groups overlap. Social pressure is real.
For teenagers, the talking stage often lasts 2 to 4 weeks. This is because:
- You see each other daily at school, so you get to know each other faster
- Young people tend to move quicker emotionally
- There is pressure from friends to “make it official”
But here is important advice for high schoolers: do not rush just because your friends are. Take time to know someone before committing. A good talking stage helps you avoid dating someone who is wrong for you.
How Long Should a Talking Stage Last Long Distance?
Long distance talking stages are tricky. You cannot just meet up for coffee or hang out in person easily.
For long distance situations, the talking stage can last 4 to 12 weeks. This is longer than normal because:
- You need more time to build trust without physical presence
- You rely only on calls, texts, and video chats to connect
- You need to plan visits, which takes time
- You want to be extra sure before committing to a long distance relationship
If you are in a long distance talking stage, try to meet in person within the first 6 to 8 weeks if possible. Video calls are great, but meeting face to face helps you know if the connection is real.
How Long Should a Talking Stage Last Online?
Meeting someone on dating apps or social media? The online talking stage usually lasts 1 to 4 weeks before you meet in person.
Here is the thing about online connections: you need to meet in person fairly quickly. If someone keeps making excuses not to meet after a month of talking, they might be:
- Catfishing you (pretending to be someone they are not)
- Not actually single
- Not serious about dating
- Just looking for attention
According to dating coach Matthew Hussey, if someone is genuinely interested, they will want to meet within 2 weeks of matching online. Talking for months without meeting usually leads nowhere.
What Are the Signs the Talking Stage Is Going Well?
How do you know if your talking stage is healthy and heading toward a real relationship? Here are the clear signs.
1. You Talk Every Day
They text you good morning. They check in during the day. They send you funny videos. They want to hear about your day.
Consistent communication shows genuine interest. If someone really likes you, they make time to talk to you regularly.
2. They Make Plans to See You
They do not just say “we should hang out sometime.” They actually set dates. They say “Are you free Saturday? Let’s go to that new restaurant.”
People who want to be with you make concrete plans. They do not leave things vague.
3. They Remember Small Details
They remember you mentioned your big presentation at work. They ask how your sister’s birthday party went. They bring up that hobby you mentioned last week.
Paying attention to details shows they are actually listening and care about your life.
4. They Introduce You to Their Friends
This is a big one. If they introduce you to their friend group, they are serious about you. Nobody introduces someone they are just casually talking to into their social circle.
Meeting friends usually happens around week 3 to 5 if things are going well.
5. They Are Emotionally Open
They share their feelings. They talk about their past, their fears, their dreams. They are vulnerable with you.
Emotional openness means they trust you and see potential for something deeper.
6. They Do Not Play Games
They text back within a reasonable time. They do not disappear for days. They do not make you guess how they feel.
Healthy connections do not involve mind games or hot and cold behavior.
7. You Have Had Deep Conversations
You have talked about more than just surface stuff. You have discussed your values, what you want in life, past relationships, and what you are looking for.
Deep conversations build real connection, not just surface attraction.
When Is the Talking Stage Taking Too Long?
Sometimes the talking stage drags on and on. Here is how to know if you are wasting your time.
Red Flags That It Is Taking Too Long
- It has been more than 3 months: If you have been consistently talking and seeing each other for three months and they still have not asked you to be official, something is off.
- They avoid relationship conversations: Every time you try to talk about “what are we?”, they change the subject or say “let’s just see where it goes.”
- You feel anxious and confused: Healthy relationships should feel good most of the time. If you constantly feel uncertain about where you stand, that is not normal.
- They only text late at night: If most of your communication happens after 10 PM, they might just want something casual, not a relationship.
- They have not introduced you to anyone important: After two months, if you still have not met a single friend or family member, they are keeping you separate from their life on purpose.
- They are still active on dating apps: If you notice they are still updating their profile or swiping, they are not focused on you.
What to Do When It Is Taking Too Long
If you have been in the talking stage too long, it is time to have an honest conversation. Here is how:
- Be direct: Say something like “I have really enjoyed getting to know you these past few months. I am looking for a committed relationship. Is that something you see with me?”
- Set a boundary: If they give you a vague answer, tell them you need clarity. Say “I understand if you need time, but I cannot stay in this uncertain place much longer.”
- Be ready to walk away: If they still cannot commit or give you a clear answer, it is time to move on. You deserve someone who is excited to be with you, not someone who is unsure after months of your time.
Remember what relationship therapist Esther Perel says: “The quality of your relationship is determined by the quality of the conversations you are willing to have.”
How to Move from Talking Stage to Dating
Ready to take the next step? Here is how to transition from talking to officially dating.
1. Have “The Talk”
Someone needs to bring it up. If they have not, you can. There is nothing wrong with asking where things are going.
Good ways to start this conversation:
- “I really like spending time with you. I would love to see where this could go. How do you feel about making this official?”
- “I am not seeing anyone else and I do not want to. I would like us to be exclusive. What do you think?”
- “We have been talking for a while now and I care about you. I am ready to call you my boyfriend/girlfriend if you are too.”
2. Read Their Response
- They say yes immediately: Great! They have been thinking the same thing. You are now official.
- They seem happy but want to talk about it: Also good. They want to make sure you are on the same page about expectations. Have that conversation.
- They hesitate or seem uncomfortable: This is not a good sign. Ask them to be honest about what they want.
- They say they are not ready: Accept their answer. Then decide if you want to wait or move on. Do not pressure someone who clearly said no.
3. Set Expectations Together
Once you decide to be official, talk about what that means to both of you:
- Are you exclusive?
- How often will you see each other?
- How do you handle conflict?
- What are your boundaries?
- What do you need to feel loved and respected?
These conversations prevent problems later.
How to Make Your Talking Stage Healthy
Want your talking stage to be productive and lead somewhere good? Follow these tips.
1. Be Clear About What You Want
If you want a relationship, say so. Do not pretend you are okay with casual when you want commitment.
According to research from the University of California, people who are direct about their relationship goals have better outcomes in dating.
2. Do Not Put Your Life on Hold
Keep hanging out with friends. Keep pursuing your hobbies. Do not cancel plans just because they might text.
Your life should not revolve around someone you are just talking to.
3. Pay Attention to Actions, Not Words
Anyone can say sweet things over text. What matters is what they do.
Do they make time for you? Do they follow through on plans? Do they respect your boundaries? Actions tell the truth.
4. Trust Your Gut
If something feels off, it probably is. Your intuition picks up on things your logical brain might miss.
If you feel like you are being led on or kept as an option, trust that feeling.
5. Set a Timeline for Yourself
Decide privately how long you are willing to stay in the talking stage. Maybe it is 6 weeks. Maybe it is 2 months.
When you hit that point, check in. Are things progressing? If not, it is time to have that conversation or walk away.
Common Mistakes People Make During Talking Stages
Let me share the biggest mistakes I see people make during this phase.
1. Moving Too Fast
Some people want to skip the talking stage completely. They want to be official after one good date.
Slow down. The talking stage exists for a reason. It helps you avoid jumping into a relationship with the wrong person.
2. Waiting Too Long
On the other hand, some people stay in the talking stage for six months because they are “scared to ruin the friendship” or “do not want to pressure them.”
Do not be afraid of clarity. If they are the right person, having the relationship talk will not scare them away.
3. Accepting Breadcrumbs
They text you just enough to keep you interested but never commit. They make vague plans but cancel often. They flirt but do not move things forward.
These are breadcrumbs, not real interest. Do not accept them.
4. Ignoring Red Flags
You notice they are rude to waiters. They talk badly about their ex. They do not respect your time. But you ignore it because you like them.
Pay attention to red flags in relationship early. They do not go away.
What to Do If You Are Stuck in a Talking Stage
Feeling stuck? Here are your options.
Option 1: Have an Honest Conversation
Tell them how you feel. Ask where this is going. Give them a chance to step up or be honest about their intentions.
Option 2: Give It a Clear Deadline
Tell yourself “I will give this two more weeks. If nothing changes, I am walking away.” Then stick to it.
Option 3: Walk Away Now
If you already know in your gut that this person is not serious, you do not need to wait around for proof. Trust yourself and move on.
Walking away from a situationship takes courage, but staying in one that is going nowhere takes more of your emotional energy.
Final Thoughts on How Long Do Talking Stages Last Before Dating
So, how long do talking stages last before dating? The healthy range is 2 to 8 weeks for most situations.
But here is what really matters: the talking stage should feel like progress, not confusion. You should feel excited, not anxious. You should feel valued, not uncertain.
If you have been in the talking stage for more than 2 to 3 months with no clear direction, it is time to address it. Either have the relationship conversation or walk away. You deserve someone who is sure about you.
Remember that the right person will not leave you guessing. They will communicate clearly. They will make you a priority. They will be excited to call you theirs.
Do not settle for someone who keeps you in the talking stage forever because they are scared to commit or want to keep their options open. You are not a backup plan or a “maybe someday” person.
Use the talking stage for what it is meant for: getting to know someone to see if you want a relationship with them. Then make a decision and move forward.
Your time is valuable. Your heart is valuable. Protect both by knowing when to stay and when to walk away.
According to dating coach Matthew Hussey, “The person who is right for you will be clear about wanting you in their life. If they are not, they are not your person.”
Trust that process. Trust yourself. And do not be afraid to ask for what you want. The right person will meet you there.
