Hickeys, also known as love bites, are one of those intimate things that many couples are curious about but might feel shy discussing. Whether you’re exploring new ways to show affection or your partner has expressed interest, learning how to give a hickey safely is important for any romantic relationship.
A hickey is basically a bruise caused by gentle suction on the skin, and while it might seem simple, there’s actually a right way and wrong way to do it. In this guide, we’ll cover everything you need to know about giving hickeys safely, where to place them, how long they last, and most importantly, how to make sure both you and your partner are comfortable and consenting.
Let’s dive into this intimate topic with the care and knowledge it deserves, so you can explore this form of affection safely and confidently.
What is a Hickey?
Before we learn how to give a hickey, it’s important to understand exactly what we’re talking about. A hickey is a temporary mark on the skin that happens when someone sucks gently on another person’s skin, causing small blood vessels under the surface to break.
- The science behind hickeys: When you create suction on someone’s skin, you’re essentially causing a small bruise. The suction pulls blood toward the surface, and if done with enough pressure, tiny blood vessels called capillaries can break, leaving a reddish or purple mark.
- Hickey meaning in relationships: In many cultures, hickeys are seen as a sign of passion and intimacy between partners. They’re often called “love bites” because they’re typically given during intimate moments as a way to show affection or mark someone as “yours” (though this should always be done consensually).
Dr. Sarah Chen, a relationship therapist, explains: “Hickeys can be a form of intimate communication between partners, but like all physical expressions of love, they require clear consent and consideration for your partner’s comfort and circumstances.”
Why Do People Give Hickeys?
Understanding why people enjoy giving and receiving hickeys can help you approach this topic with more knowledge and sensitivity.
Reasons people give hickeys:
- Mark of affection: Some people see hickeys as a way to show intense passion and love
- Territorial behavior: In some relationships, hickeys serve as a visual sign that someone is taken
- Physical pleasure: The process of giving hickeys can be enjoyable for both partners
- Intimacy building: Creating and receiving hickeys can increase feelings of closeness
The Receiving Perspective: Many people enjoy receiving hickeys because they like the sensation, enjoy having a physical reminder of their partner, or find the marking aspect exciting. However, it’s crucial to remember that not everyone feels this way.
How Long Does It Take to Give a Hickey?
This is one of the most common questions people have when learning how to give a hickey. The timing can vary based on several factors.
Typical timeline:
- Light marks: 10-20 seconds of gentle suction
- Visible hickeys: 30-60 seconds of consistent pressure
- Dark hickeys: 1-2 minutes (though this isn’t recommended for beginners)
Factors that affect timing:
- Skin sensitivity: Some people bruise more easily than others
- Location on body: Areas with thinner skin show marks faster
- Suction intensity: Stronger suction creates marks quicker
- Individual differences: Age, health, and genetics all play a role
Important Timing Tip: Start with shorter periods (15-20 seconds) and check the skin before continuing. You can always add more suction, but you can’t take away a hickey once it’s formed.
How to Give a Hickey: Step-by-Step Guide
Now let’s get into the practical steps for how to give a hickey safely and effectively. Remember, this should always be done with full consent from your partner.
Step 1: Get Clear Consent
Before anything else, you need to make sure your partner actually wants a hickey. This isn’t something you should surprise someone with.
How to ask for consent:
- “Would you like me to give you a hickey?”
- “Is it okay if I leave a mark here?”
- “Are you comfortable with hickeys?”
Consider their Lifestyle: Ask if they need to keep their neck/visible areas clear for work, family events, or other commitments.
Step 2: Choose the Right Location
Not all spots on the body are good for hickeys. Some areas are safer and more comfortable than others.
Best places for hickeys:
- Neck (sides): Classic spot, but be very gentle
- Shoulders: Less visible, good for beginners
- Chest area: Can be easily hidden by clothing
- Arms: Safe option that’s easy to cover
Areas to avoid:
- Front of neck: Can be dangerous due to major blood vessels
- Face: Too visible and can cause embarrassment
- Areas with thin skin: More likely to cause pain or injury
Step 3: Prepare Your Lips and Mouth
Getting your mouth ready is important for comfort and effectiveness.
Preparation tips:
- Make sure your lips aren’t chapped or rough
- Your mouth should be clean (brush your teeth first)
- Remove any lip balm or lipstick
- Make sure you’re not wearing braces unsafely (we’ll cover this later)
Step 4: Create the Right Mouth Shape
The technique for how to give a hickey involves creating proper suction with your mouth.
Proper mouth positioning:
- Make an “O” shape with your lips, like you’re going to kiss someone
- Your lips should form a seal against the skin
- Don’t use your teeth (this can cause injury)
- Keep your lips soft but firm
Step 5: Apply Gentle Suction
This is the main technique for creating the hickey. Start very gently and build up slowly.
Suction technique:
- Place your lips on the chosen spot
- Create a seal with your lips
- Gently suck inward, like you’re sipping through a straw
- Hold the suction for 15-20 seconds initially
- Release and check the skin
Important safety notes:
- Never suck too hard or too long at first
- If your partner shows any discomfort, stop immediately
- The goal is a gentle pulling sensation, not pain
Step 6: Check and Adjust
After your first attempt, look at the skin to see what kind of mark (if any) you’ve created.
What to look for:
- Light redness is normal and will fade quickly
- A darker red or purple mark indicates a hickey is forming
- If there’s no mark, you can try again with slightly more pressure
- If the mark is darker than intended, you’re done
How to Give a Hickey on Different Body Parts
Different areas of the body require slightly different techniques when learning how to give a hickey.
How to Give a Hickey on Chest
The chest area is often a good choice for hickeys because it’s easily hidden by clothing and the skin is typically less sensitive than the neck.
Chest hickey technique:
- Choose a spot that won’t be visible in normal clothing
- The skin here is usually thicker, so you might need slightly more suction
- Be extra gentle around sensitive areas
- Check with your partner about placement preferences
How to Give a Love Bite on the Neck
The neck is the classic spot for hickeys, but it requires extra care because of sensitive blood vessels.
Safe neck technique:
- Only use the sides of the neck, never the front
- Be extremely gentle with suction
- Avoid the area over major arteries
- Consider that neck hickeys are harder to hide
Warning: Never apply strong suction to the front of the neck, as this area contains major blood vessels and can be dangerous.
Special Considerations: How to Give a Hickey with Braces
If you have braces, you might wonder if you can still give hickeys safely. With proper care, it’s possible, but you need extra precautions.
Braces safety tips:
- Be extra careful to keep your teeth away from your partner’s skin
- Use dental wax to cover sharp edges if needed
- Focus more on lip suction rather than using your whole mouth
- Go slower and be more gentle than you would without braces
- Consider waiting until you’re more experienced with hickey-giving
Alternative for People with Braces: You might want to focus on other forms of intimate contact until you’re comfortable managing braces safely during intimate moments.
How Long Do Hickeys Last?
Understanding how long hickeys last helps both you and your partner plan accordingly.
Typical hickey timeline:
- Days 1-2: Dark red or purple color, most visible
- Days 3-4: Color starts to fade, might turn brownish
- Days 5-7: Continues fading, becomes less noticeable
- Week 2: Most hickeys are completely gone
Factors that affect healing time:
- Age: Younger people typically heal faster
- Health: Good circulation helps hickeys fade quicker
- Size and darkness: Darker hickeys take longer to fade
- Location: Areas with better blood flow heal faster
Safety First: Important Precautions When Giving Hickeys
Learning how to give a hickey safely should be your top priority. Here are crucial safety considerations.
Medical Safety Concerns
While hickeys are generally harmless, there are some medical considerations to keep in mind.
Potential risks:
- Infection: Very rare, but possible if skin is broken
- Blood clots: Extremely rare, but has been reported in medical literature
- Allergic reactions: Some people might react to saliva
- Skin damage: Over-aggressive suction can cause more serious bruising
When to be extra careful:
- If either partner takes blood thinners
- If someone has a bleeding disorder
- If there are existing skin conditions
- If either partner has immune system issues
Consent and Communication
We can’t stress this enough: proper consent is absolutely essential when giving hickeys.
Ongoing consent means:
- Getting permission before starting
- Checking in during the process
- Respecting any request to stop
- Discussing placement and intensity preferences
Red flags to watch for:
- Your partner seems uncomfortable or tense
- They pull away or ask you to stop
- They mention concerns about visibility
- Any sign of pain or distress
Case Study: Learning Hickey Etiquette
Meet Jake and Emma, a couple who learned about hickey etiquette the hard way. Jake gave Emma a large, dark hickey on her neck without asking first, right before she had a job interview. Emma felt embarrassed and upset because she couldn’t hide it properly.
What went wrong:
- No consent was obtained beforehand
- Jake didn’t consider Emma’s schedule or needs
- The location was too visible
- The intensity was too strong for Emma’s comfort
How they fixed it:
- They had an honest conversation about boundaries
- They established a system for asking permission
- They agreed on safe locations and timing
- They practiced better communication about intensity
This situation shows why communication and consent are so important when learning how to give a hickey.
Common Mistakes People Make When Giving Hickeys
Learning from common mistakes can help you give hickeys more safely and effectively.
Mistake 1: Not Getting Clear Consent
- The problem: Surprising someone with a hickey without permission
- Why it’s wrong: This violates their bodily autonomy and could cause problems in their personal or professional life
- The solution: Always ask permission and discuss placement first
Mistake 2: Using Too Much Force Too Quickly
- The problem: Trying to create a dark hickey immediately with strong suction
- Why it’s wrong: This can cause pain, excessive bruising, or even injury
- The solution: Start gentle and build up slowly, checking the skin frequently
Mistake 3: Choosing Poor Locations
- The problem: Placing hickeys where they’ll cause embarrassment or problems
- Why it’s wrong: This doesn’t consider your partner’s lifestyle and responsibilities
- The solution: Discuss appropriate locations based on their schedule and comfort level
Mistake 4: Ignoring Your Partner’s Reactions
- The problem: Continuing even when your partner seems uncomfortable
- Why it’s wrong: This prioritizes your desires over their comfort and safety
- The solution: Pay attention to their body language and verbal cues throughout
How to Give Yourself a Hickey: Is It Possible?
Some people wonder about how to give yourself a hickey, perhaps out of curiosity or for other personal reasons.
Can you give yourself a hickey? Yes, it’s physically possible to give yourself a hickey, typically on areas you can reach like your arm or hand.
How it works:
- Use the same suction technique on your own skin
- Arms and hands are the most accessible locations
- The sensation and results are similar to receiving one from a partner
Why people do this:
- Curiosity about what hickeys feel like
- Practice before giving one to a partner
- Personal preference or exploration
Important Note: While possible, self-given hickeys carry the same risks as partner-given ones, so use the same safety precautions.
Hickey Aftercare: Taking Care of Love Bites
Once you’ve successfully learned how to give a hickey, it’s important to know about proper aftercare.
Immediate Aftercare (First 24 Hours)
Right after giving or receiving a hickey, there are some steps that can help with comfort and healing.
Immediate care tips:
- Apply a cold compress for 10-15 minutes to reduce swelling
- Avoid rubbing or massaging the area immediately
- Keep the area clean and dry
- Monitor for any unusual reactions
Ongoing Care (Days 2-7)
As the hickey begins to heal, different care approaches can help speed recovery.
Healing support:
- Gentle massage after the first day to improve circulation
- Warm compresses to encourage blood flow
- Stay hydrated to support healing
- Eat foods rich in vitamin C and K to support skin healing
When to See a Doctor
While complications from hickeys are rare, there are signs that warrant medical attention.
See a healthcare provider if:
- The hickey becomes infected (increased redness, warmth, pus)
- There’s excessive pain or swelling
- The mark doesn’t start fading after a week
- You notice any unusual symptoms
Alternatives to Traditional Hickeys
If you’re interested in the intimacy of hickeys but want alternatives, there are other options to explore.
Alternative intimate markings:
- Temporary tattoos: Fun and customizable
- Body-safe markers: Washable and creative
- Light scratching: Can create temporary marks without bruising
- Gentle biting: Very light pressure without breaking skin
Benefits of alternatives:
- More control over appearance and duration
- Less risk of unwanted marks
- Can be more creative and personalized
- Easier to hide or remove if needed
Building Intimacy Beyond Hickeys
While learning how to give a hickey can add excitement to your relationship, remember that true intimacy comes from many different forms of connection.
Other ways to build physical intimacy:
- Massage and gentle touch
- Exploring different types of kisses
- Learning your partner’s preferences
- Communicating openly about desires and boundaries
Emotional intimacy matters too:
- Sharing feelings and thoughts
- Building trust through consistency
- Respecting each other’s boundaries
- Creating shared experiences and memories
Hickeys and Healthy Relationships
Learning how to give a hickey is really about understanding consent, communication, and care for your partner. When done safely and consensually, hickeys can be a fun way to express passion and intimacy in a relationship.
The most important things to remember are:
- Always get clear consent before giving a hickey
- Start gentle and build up slowly
- Choose appropriate locations that won’t cause problems
- Pay attention to your partner’s comfort and reactions
- Understand the safety considerations and risks
Also Read: What Is a Healthy Relationship and How Can You Create One?
Remember that hickeys are just one way to express affection. The best intimate relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. Whether you decide to explore hickeys or not, the key is making sure both partners feel comfortable, respected, and cared for.
If you’re learning how to give a hickey, take your time, communicate openly with your partner, and prioritize safety and consent above all else. When done right, this can be another way to explore intimacy and show affection in your relationship.
The journey of learning about intimacy is ongoing, and hickeys are just one small part of building a healthy, satisfying relationship. Focus on open communication, mutual respect, and genuine care for each other, and you’ll be well on your way to a fulfilling intimate connection.
